A little rant, and some good advice.

YouTube hit the news this week with an uproar about their service hosting videos containing homophobic slurs. In this article, Link (Links to an external site.)Links to an external site.  published on Monday 6/10, the CEO of YouTube says she is “personally sorry” for the videos being on the platform, but refused to take them down.

With June being the official Pride month for the LGBTQ community, and the recent publicity surrounding the murders of several transgender women, the refusal to recognize and remove the abusive videos strikes a poignant chord for the community. According to the article, YouTube said last week it would begin “banning videos containing Nazi ideology, as well as those ‘denying well documented violent events’, such as the Holocaust or the Sandy Hook massacre.”

First, not every video containing the above is “bad”. Erasing history doesn’t stop it and refusing to show the effects of the “Nazi ideology” only reinforces the idea it’s okay. Are they also going to stop showing what happened on 9/11? That event had a significant impact on America, and the rest of the world, and precipitated the “war on terror.” This does not mean I support the idea of supremacy of any one person over another - it means I support the idea of learning from the history of our country, and our world. You cannot prevent this from happening again if you don’t know it happened in the first place and acting like it didn’t happen is a slap in the face to the millions of people who not only died, but had their entire history erased.  

Second, hate is hate is hate. As the parent of a transgender child, I spend every day of my life in abject terror for my child’s safety. I have stopped sleeping because I have so many nightmares I wake up vomiting in fear. I spend significant amounts of time researching and preparing to answer questions about medical procedures to help my child live their authentic self, and ensuring my child knows they are loved and supported. I find it absolutely ludicrous it’s okay to gay bash in a video on a public forum such as YouTube, but actual history is erased. How is pretending the Holocaust didn’t happen going to help teach our children the consequences of blind faith without question, and acceptance of differences?  This move by YouTube tells me, as a parent, my kids are not safe on their platform. This tells me people who are different in any way from classic white American man is not safe on their platform.

I would really like to boycott YouTube, but since they are owned by Google, and Google runs the internet this isn't a viable option. What CAN be done though, is to write our legislative teams and ask for more information. Ask for stronger protections on hate speech. Demand respect for individuality. Be more than our history. 

College is...fun?

I got a wild hair a few weeks ago and decided I was going to go back to school. At 38. With a small army of half grown children, and a petting zoo in my home.

Fortunately, I enrolled in an online program, to obtain my bachelors in Psychology. The classes run for 5 weeks, and it's one class at a time.  Ideally, this will help me focus and retain more information than I would otherwise, and not be quite so overwhelming. Plus, it's online so I can actually do my schoolwork in my pajamas and unshowered and braless and nobody will know, or care.

The first class I am taking is called "Personal Dimensions of Education".  The goal is to determine what kind of learner you  are, teach you about different learning styles, and help you understand how you learn best so you can have a successful college career.  It's actually pretty interesting, and I've learned quite a bit- but let me tell you how stupid I truly am.


There is assigned reading for each week, and as I'm going through the reading I am thinking" I'll be damned if I spent $155 fucking dollars on a one page document. There better be some solid gold words of wisdom in this!" I was PISSED.

Turns out, if you scroll down and click to the right, it turns the page and it's a whole fucking book. Who knew?

This week, the "reading coach" ( an interactive video thing) mentioned you could download the book in an audio format if needed.....So I went looking. Turns out, I can download it as a kindle file and actually read it somewhere other than my computer desk. Which I was frustrated about not being able to do because I have horrific cramps and my uterus is revolting because I opted to not get pregnant ever again so whatever, I'm punished every month for it. So last night when I was sitting on the couch while my bones and uterus writhed in the flames at the gates of hell, I could have been reading my text instead of being super irritated about not being able to sit in the computer chair....

College is fun. I'm learning a lot, and thank goodness becuase I can't believe how stupid I am!

Fucking Walmart. And Cars are absolute money pits

I had a flat tire last week. I paid a wrecker $65 motherfucking dollars to come change the tire because I do not have the strength to get of the LAST BLOODY lugnut. Gah.

Anyway, then I was on the spare.....which also went flat. Story of my fucking life, right? Just wait- it gets EVEN BETTER.

I have one of those cars with a weird tire size, which means nobody carries them in regular stock. Except for once, Walmart. So, I order the bloody tires ( they have to come in pairs, I guess? This might have been a lie I was told) and the store calls me and says KIM YOUR TIRES ARE IN COME ON OVER AND WE'LL GET YOU RIGHT IN AND IT WILL ONLY BE A FEW MINUTES!!

.....
So I hop into my broken car and travel across the highway to WalMart, and go stand at the counter of the tire and lube express. The gentleman who was working is one of those incredibly nice people, albeit clueless.  He normally works in the photo department ( I live in a small town, I know where the regular walmart people work, okay?) so I was willing to cut him some slack...until he asked me  " So where are we putting these tires?"

Without even taking a breath I shot back " On the car?"

Like, are we having  a serious conversation right now or was this a big joke I wasn't let in on?

He reacted like I'd told the funniest joke ever, and explained to me what position on the car did I want the new tires to be , drivers or passenger, front or rear. I said " I really don't care. I want the flat spare taken off, and replaced. Wherever you want to put the other tire is fine with me...Just put it on.

Then the poor man tells me " Okay, it will be about an hour and we'll page you!"" Okay mother fucker- a few minutes does not equal an hour, especially in the middle of my workday!  So I marched my fat ass back across the highway, just STEAMING mad. In shitty walking shoes and through melting snow puddles. My socks were wet and my temper absolutely shot. 

I get back to my desk just as the phone rings- it's walmart.  I said out loud " You fuckers better not be already done!"

Nope, they were calling to tell me I ordered the wrong size tires for my car. Umm...the fuck I did! I researched that shit like a champ before I ordered! ( Hello google? What size tires does a 2011 Ford Focus SES use?) So fine - I ordered the wrong size. It's not the first time I've done something like that...They have the right size and it's only another 30 dollars per tire, so I tell them to go ahead and make the change and I'll pay the difference when I pick the car up.

FIVE FUCKING MINUTES LATER Walmart calls again. " Hi Kim? A here from walmart! Turns out you DID order the right size, you have two different size tires on your car!"   Turns out when my mechanic put it on for me, he put on the wrong size...and why would I check? I trust my mechanic right?

I wound up buying a third tire to make all my bloody tires the same size, and called it done.  No wonder I had such a hard time this winter!! IF I wasn't stuck in the stupid driveway, I was stuck in the ditch, and it never dawned on me to check the tire SIZE. 

It wasn't even 3pm and I was so done with the day I was ready for tomorrow.

Yep. Still shitty.

Here we are again, a few years later....and still a shitty blogger. I just can't seem to get my shit together!

Quick updates for those interested.

I got married. I got promoted. I still have an army of children and to many animals. I have a grandchild. He calls me GiGi, because at 38, I am too young to be called Granny. This is mildly disappointing, ,but my sister is only a couple years younger than I and her oldest child is 5, while my youngest child is 12.  Pretty sure I'm on the upswing here.  I have applied to be a foster parent. I bought a house, with a ton of room and even though I do not have any desire to ever birth another child, I still have a lot of love and home to give.

Oh...and I finally decided to go back to school. In 4 years, barring any catastrophe's, I will have my Bachelors degree in Psychology and Communication. 

My first assignment? An essay on time management.....and yes, this is exactly as funny as it sounds.

Here are the objectives:

Write: With a minimum of 250 words and in complete sentences, respond to the following questions:

·         Explain your results of the “How Good is Your Time Management Quiz.” Were you surprised, why or why not? Of the five areas of time management that were addressed in the quiz, which area do you feel is your biggest strength? Why? In which two areas could you implement strategies to more successfully manage your time?

·         Describe your plan for how you will incorporate school into your daily responsibilities. What things in your life may interfere with the time you need to study? What measures will you take that will allow you to devote the necessary time to your coursework without risking burnout?

·         Online learning lends itself to procrastination, even for the most prepared student. Review the resources for avoiding procrastination. Share three time management tips that will help you avoid procrastination and improve your time management. You can use tips listed from the resources above or share your own successful time management tips for a total of three.

Here is my response:

I was quite surprised to see the time management quiz reflect I am proficient in time management skills. Nowhere in my life shows my absolute lack of time management more than the current condition of my house!  In my professional life, I know what I’m doing, and work to make sure my day runs on schedule. Once I arrive home though, it’s a whole new ball game. For example, I went grocery shopping today after work, forgetting I needed to come home and clean before I brought the groceries home. My daughter and I walked into the house with $200 worth of groceries, and nowhere to put them. One of the cats threw up in the living room, and the idiot dog tipped over a litter box. There are tufts of dog hair floating about, because he’s blowing his winter coat, and I am sitting at the kitchen table typing this paper, so I don’t forget to do it.

One of my greatest strengths, according to the quiz, is goal setting and prioritization. Again, in my professional life, I excel at this. I know what needs to be done, what is most important, and what can wait a little bit to finish. In my personal life, I clearly am failing in this respect. In the scheme of things, getting the groceries purchased, and put away took priority over the cleaning, because my kids still need to eat. That said, I really need to get the mess cleaned and done before bed. 

Unsurprisingly, the quiz indicated I am frequently interrupted, and may struggle a bit with procrastination. Sadly, this is not something I was unaware of. For instance, in the writing of this I have moved the kitten off my keyboard no less than 7 times, answered my youngest daughter’s question about her rabbits, and had my oldest daughter call and ask to submit my information for a foster care background check for an emergency placement.   Again though, school is a priority. The mess isn’t going anywhere and will be there when I am finished with my work for the day, as will the rabbits, and hopefully, the foster child will be here in the next few days. (After I clean my house, of course!)

 As I move forward in this exciting yet terrifying adventure of further education, I will be making some changes in the way my house runs. I will no longer be the only one solely responsible for the general upkeep of our home-my children will have chores they will be required to complete to obtain their allowance. Currently, they area only responsible for their animal care, and personal belongings. This is going to have to change. I want to lie and say I can do it all, but I only have two hands – I can only juggle so many balls in the air. I will have time set aside in my evening to work solely on school work and will have my phone shut off except for emergencies.  At work I have a bullet point list of things that must be done every day, things that are done weekly, and things that are done monthly. There is no reason I cannot implement the same type of routine at home.  Ideally, I will have this list complete and implemented before the end of the general orientation class.  I will continue to work in my kitchen, for a couple of reasons. First, I do not have a desk in my bedroom and I write a lot of notes- sitting on the bed is not conducive to legible handwriting! Second, I want my kids to SEE me working towards a better education for myself, and a better future for them. It’s important for them to see school work is not a chore, it’s a requirement, and as such MUST be completed daily.  With that in mind, I also cannot allow it to take over our lives. I want to succeed at this, and I want to finish what I’ve started. I will continue to keep Friday and Sunday evenings school free zones.  We travel a lot, and when we aren’t traveling, we are spending time together, or with friends. We are an avid gaming family and host weekly Dungeons and Dragons games.  I want to make sure we continue doing so. Finally, I will remind myself no journey comes without cost, but the adventure and journey I am undertaking is worth so much more than the nap.

Pretty sure it falls under the " to fucking much information for any sane person to have" category. 

Welcome to my life.  

Fitbit what? an introspective

SFWG checking in. Finally. Fortunately, we've established I'm a terrible blogger. I have so many things to say but then I get lost in the words and suddenly its 2 years later and I'm an asshole and I'm sorry. Let's get to the point of this, shall we? ( Also, I frequent tumblr, and post a bunch of random shit there, not quite as personal as here, and I reblog things that interest me. I'm there at Orionswatcher.tumblr.com )

Fitbit what? An Introspection

I joined a fitbit challenge at work. My partner loaned me the use of her wobble board. It’s sort of like those round hard plastic discs with the ball in the middle you were supposed to jump around on, only I never actually managed to jump around, only fall on my face.. Or ass. Or elbows. Or knees. I spent a lot of time on the ground because of those things. Man. Anyway, I’ve gone off on a memory tangent and that wasn’t my goal.  The wobble board is supposed to mimic you walking in place.  It does NOT have a round rubber ball in the center, thank all the gods, just another rounded piece of hard plastic, and I’ve managed to not fall off it. I did, however, manage to use it as intended, and my ass and thighs hurt for it. I’m hoping this challenge will push me to make smarter, healthier choices on the things I eat.

 I’m an emotional eater, and I binge with it. I’m upset? Hrm, I think I’m going to eat a pizza or two. Or three.  Oh, what, you are mad at me for something I didn’t do? I think it’s time for some haagen daaz, and not the pint. Congratulations, you won an award! Score! Let’s go get half price apps at Applebees, and I’ll eat 3 of them for the price of a meal, plus dessert. I am fully aware my emotional binge eating hurts myself far more than anyone else, and I am also aware of the reasons for it. 

I was homeless not to long ago, ( 8 years ago, but it feels like yesterday), and I was starving. When I moved here, when I finally called my mom and begged her to come and get me or send me bus fare to get home to her from the homeless shelter I was in with my oldest son 10 hours away from her, I was a very unhealthy for me 124 pounds. I have a very small bone structure, but it isn’t attractive when you can see all the bones in it.  My healthy weight is about 130, 135.  You wouldn’t think those 5-10 pounds would make a difference, but they really, really do at that weight for me. 

As time moved on and I became more stable, I ate what I wanted, when I wanted, without regard for the consequences.

 Because I could.

 Because I had it in my fridge, or cupboards, and damnit I worked my ass off to be able to go buy more.

 I frequented thrift stores and bought clothes, and dishes, and pots and pans, and books, and knick knacks and STUFF, because when you are a homeless, you lose everything.  Everything. 

Especially your pride and any self worth you may have ever had. 

I’m aware my tendency to hoarding is directly related to my bout with homelessness. 

 I am significantly better than I was, and am actually cleaning for a yard sale now, because I’m finally at a point where I recognize I don’t need so much stuff to be safe, to be stable. I know HOW to be healthy, it’s just a matter of doing it.   My ultimate goal is to hit the 135 pound again. Which leaves me 100 pounds lighter than today. Long way to go, but I’ve done it before, and can do it again.  

TL:DR I’m trying to excersize my way to health, mental and physical.

I"m a terrible blogger, I admit it.

I'm a terrible blogger.

 I know this.



I think about writing every day, but somewhere between the brain and the hands and the computer I sort of lose track of time and it's suddenly tomorrow. And then it's the next day, and suddenly it's months later and I'm trying to figure out where the hell the time went and who the fuck decided it's winter and there's feet ( inches) of snow on my car?

Summer was filled with custody/visitation exchanges and speech therapy and working and my sister had a baby  and she's gorgeous and more working and car repairs and then school started. So far, fall has been full of school and speech therapy and unemployment ( not me, thankfully) and working and more bloody car repairs. Shout out to Progressive, they let me add roadside assistance, and then towed  my car 200 miles home AT NO COST TO ME.    I"m now a thousand bucks deeper in the hole, but my car will run another day.

I have 3 reviews to write so expect some more posts ( probably tonight, sorry), so feel free to skip those ones, but on the other hand, I got to play with some really cool stuff so you might want to read them after all.

Anyway, here are some pictures.

we got family pictures done. 

i got my hair did! 

this is true comedy. 

The long week.....

This last week has sort of sucked.

I've decided my mouth is now a money pit. It is worth more than the car I drive. If I could have half the money invested in my mouth, I'd have new tires and my worries about my car insurance would be no more.  I saw the oral surgeon, and he pulled the tooth, and 300 dollars later I have a hole in my sinus cavity that may or may not require a bone graft to repair. I can't blow my nose ( hello? I have allergies from hell. My snot locker runs the fuck away all summer long. ) I can't sneeze. ( again, allergies from hell!) There's a bunch of other stuff I can't do but I sort of drift away after the big ones. No strenuous activity, which disappointed ( devastated? ) my boyfriend, as sex = strenuous. At least it does if you are doing it right.

So I haven't slept much, due to excruciating pain radiating through my jaw, and the sinus drainage from the allergies make snore like a logger and I wake myself up. It's awesome.


I did, however, join a gym with my mom. And I play on tumblr a lot. Some of the shit people post!!! Cracks me right the hell up.


All told, I'm sorry I haven't posted. I just haven' thad the energy to do anything extra beyond getting through the day.


you can find me on tumblr at orionswatcher.tumblr.com . I'm funny there too. That used to be my fitness blog, back when I was all gung ho about getting healthy and fit and skinny! Now I use it mostly to post pictures and play with fandoms. :)