Friday, May 1, 2015

Fitbit what? an introspective

SFWG checking in. Finally. Fortunately, we've established I'm a terrible blogger. I have so many things to say but then I get lost in the words and suddenly its 2 years later and I'm an asshole and I'm sorry. Let's get to the point of this, shall we? ( Also, I frequent tumblr, and post a bunch of random shit there, not quite as personal as here, and I reblog things that interest me. I'm there at Orionswatcher.tumblr.com )



Fitbit what? An Introspection

I joined a fitbit challenge at work. My partner loaned me the use of her wobble board. It’s sort of like those round hard plastic discs with the ball in the middle you were supposed to jump around on, only I never actually managed to jump around, only fall on my face.. Or ass. Or elbows. Or knees. I spent a lot of time on the ground because of those things. Man. Anyway, I’ve gone off on a memory tangent and that wasn’t my goal.  The wobble board is supposed to mimic you walking in place.  It does NOT have a round rubber ball in the center, thank all the gods, just another rounded piece of hard plastic, and I’ve managed to not fall off it. I did, however, manage to use it as intended, and my ass and thighs hurt for it. I’m hoping this challenge will push me to make smarter, healthier choices on the things I eat.
 I’m an emotional eater, and I binge with it. I’m upset? Hrm, I think I’m going to eat a pizza or two. Or three.  Oh, what, you are mad at me for something I didn’t do? I think it’s time for some haagen daaz, and not the pint. Congratulations, you won an award! Score! Let’s go get half price apps at Applebees, and I’ll eat 3 of them for the price of a meal, plus dessert. I am fully aware my emotional binge eating hurts myself far more than anyone else, and I am also aware of the reasons for it. 
I was homeless not to long ago, ( 8 years ago, but it feels like yesterday), and I was starving. When I moved here, when I finally called my mom and begged her to come and get me or send me bus fare to get home to her from the homeless shelter I was in with my oldest son 10 hours away from her, I was a very unhealthy for me 124 pounds. I have a very small bone structure, but it isn’t attractive when you can see all the bones in it.  My healthy weight is about 130, 135.  You wouldn’t think those 5-10 pounds would make a difference, but they really, really do at that weight for me. 
As time moved on and I became more stable, I ate what I wanted, when I wanted, without regard for the consequences.
 Because I could.
 Because I had it in my fridge, or cupboards, and damnit I worked my ass off to be able to go buy more.
 I frequented thrift stores and bought clothes, and dishes, and pots and pans, and books, and knick knacks and STUFF, because when you are a homeless, you lose everything.  Everything. 
Especially your pride and any self worth you may have ever had. 
I’m aware my tendency to hoarding is directly related to my bout with homelessness. 
 I am significantly better than I was, and am actually cleaning for a yard sale now, because I’m finally at a point where I recognize I don’t need so much stuff to be safe, to be stable. I know HOW to be healthy, it’s just a matter of doing it.   My ultimate goal is to hit the 135 pound again. Which leaves me 100 pounds lighter than today. Long way to go, but I’ve done it before, and can do it again.  
TL:DR I’m trying to excersize my way to health, mental and physical.

Monday, November 11, 2013

I"m a terrible blogger, I admit it.

I'm a terrible blogger.

 I know this.



I think about writing every day, but somewhere between the brain and the hands and the computer I sort of lose track of time and it's suddenly tomorrow. And then it's the next day, and suddenly it's months later and I'm trying to figure out where the hell the time went and who the fuck decided it's winter and there's feet ( inches) of snow on my car?

Summer was filled with custody/visitation exchanges and speech therapy and working and my sister had a baby  and she's gorgeous and more working and car repairs and then school started. So far, fall has been full of school and speech therapy and unemployment ( not me, thankfully) and working and more bloody car repairs. Shout out to Progressive, they let me add roadside assistance, and then towed  my car 200 miles home AT NO COST TO ME.    I"m now a thousand bucks deeper in the hole, but my car will run another day.

I have 3 reviews to write so expect some more posts ( probably tonight, sorry), so feel free to skip those ones, but on the other hand, I got to play with some really cool stuff so you might want to read them after all.

Anyway, here are some pictures.
we got family pictures done. 



i got my hair did! 

this is true comedy. 

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

The long week.....

This last week has sort of sucked.

I've decided my mouth is now a money pit. It is worth more than the car I drive. If I could have half the money invested in my mouth, I'd have new tires and my worries about my car insurance would be no more.  I saw the oral surgeon, and he pulled the tooth, and 300 dollars later I have a hole in my sinus cavity that may or may not require a bone graft to repair. I can't blow my nose ( hello? I have allergies from hell. My snot locker runs the fuck away all summer long. ) I can't sneeze. ( again, allergies from hell!) There's a bunch of other stuff I can't do but I sort of drift away after the big ones. No strenuous activity, which disappointed ( devastated? ) my boyfriend, as sex = strenuous. At least it does if you are doing it right.

So I haven't slept much, due to excruciating pain radiating through my jaw, and the sinus drainage from the allergies make snore like a logger and I wake myself up. It's awesome.


I did, however, join a gym with my mom. And I play on tumblr a lot. Some of the shit people post!!! Cracks me right the hell up.


All told, I'm sorry I haven't posted. I just haven' thad the energy to do anything extra beyond getting through the day.


you can find me on tumblr at orionswatcher.tumblr.com . I'm funny there too. That used to be my fitness blog, back when I was all gung ho about getting healthy and fit and skinny! Now I use it mostly to post pictures and play with fandoms. :)


Tuesday, July 23, 2013

I'm crabby.

Massive storms and old trees do not mix. Last week we had an absolutely AMAZING thunderstorm, that left the top of THIS tree in my backyard.

the tree
 
the top of the tree
 
another view point of the top of the tree
 

 It was a bit of a catastrophe. Only a bit though. No one was hurt, and it didn't land on the house. And you really can't see it in these photos but underneath of the top of the tree is my 14 year olds bike.  It is no longer rideable. ( ride-able? ridable? how the fuck do you spell that?)   The crack was loud enough it woke up the man on the couch who called me at work convinced it was a tornado while herding children into the basement.

It was not a tornado, thank the gods above. It was just a storm with very strong winds. The tree was left in my backyard for several days, and I had resigned myself to stepping over sticks and branches and whatnots until the weekend when we had time to clean it up.

I should have known better.

Now, this week I have not had a lot of sleep. I'm a little crankier than normal. ( read: I'm a raving bitch and you don't have to like it, you just have to suck it the fuck up and stay out of my way. I'm tired, and I'm crabby, and I don't really care. ) I have to have surgery on my mouth again tomorrow, which now means I now have more invested in my mouth than I do in one of my cars. FUCKING RIDICULOUS. FUCK teeth. DAMN. I should have just had them all pulled out and gotten fucking dentures. Then I wouldn't be in excruciating pain no one will prescribe anything for because nobody knows how to use their drugs responsibly and people like me who don't actually get high off pain pills cant fucking have them because of people like that.

I have to have another tooth pulled out or a root canal.  Fuck that shit. I'm getting it pulled the fuck out and calling it done. Getting my wisdom teeth was SUPPOSED TO HELP with the migraines. Instead, they caused so much damage to my molars in front of them,  I can't even describe the pain.  Anyway, I finally got home from the dentist at noon, put dinner in the crock pot, and was in bed by 1 this afternoon. (Remember, I work midnights.)


Suddenly, I'm woken out of a dead sleep by MOTHERFUCKING CHAINSAWS. Not only was the tree on the ground being chopped up and hauled away, but the rest of the tree was being cut down as well. BY MOTHERFUCKING CHAINSAWS. Are you FUCKING KIDDING ME.  No warning it was coming. No courtesy phone call to say " Hey Kim, we are going to come chop down the tree today and ruin your whole afternoon, which is totally the middle of your night, but that's okay because its totally  daytime and the rest of the world is wide the fuck awake you vampire,  you should try and sleep somewhere else besides your super comfy bed, because there will be multiple chain saws under your windows for an hour or two!" Just BOOM your nap is over.


Fuck. FUCK.

I was pissed. I'm still pissed.

I never did get to go back to sleep, either.


Monday, July 22, 2013

Like a thief in the night... ( potty words)

I'm sneaking a bowl of pasta. I'm a terrible mother.  I made cacio e pepe, as taught by Fabio.  You'll notice below I  have a picture of two Fabio's.


not this Fabio.
This Fabio






The Fabio on the left is the model and harlequin romance god. Well, to some. I don't really think he's all that attractive. Definitely not on my I'd do him list. The Fabio on the right is the chef, and while I probably wouldn't put myself out there for him either, he teaches cooking in a way that is simple and easy to understand. And I think he's a lot easier on the eyes than the blond Adonis wanna be on the left.



My 14 year old
how the hell is he 14 already?!
is required to follow a gluten free diet. To show our support, his stepfather and I are doing our best to follow it as well.  It's going to kill me.



Okay, probably not. I'll probably feel a shitton better when it's all said and done, as the current research ( and yeah, I'm aware a lot of it is people trying to blow smoke up my ass) indicates the removal of gluten from your diet will help with migraines ( check), autoimmune disorders ( check) , ADHD, and emotional outbursts/sensitivity.

But, I'm a pasta addict. I neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed it. To function. Every day. I don't actually eat it every day but I do eat it pretty regularly.

Saturday night we had hamburgers for dinner. HUGE meltdown when he realized he couldn't have a bun. He was literally going to refuse to eat! The kid is skin and bones to begin with due to his metabolism and the months we've spent trying to figure out what was causing his stomach issues. I was PISSED!!!!  Like dude, really! I get that it's shitty you don't get to eat what you want, but you still have to eat the very expensive and really fucking good hamburger we made you. Minus the bun.  Would have put in a lettuce wrap but I forgot to buy lettuce. ( worst mother in the world remember?)  He wound up eating anyway, but initially only because his mother is some kind of bitch. Not because his bitchy mother's food was good. And it was damned good.

I was mad.

And since I didn't eat a bun in a show of parental solidarity, I got up at 5 am on Sunday morning and made some damned spaghetti.

And then I hid that shit. 

Man. 


Tuesday, July 16, 2013

I'm melting!!!!! Really. It's only sortof a joke.

It's been to hot to think. To hot to sleep. To hot for sex. To hot to cook. And I  hate to complain, because where I live we literally have snow into June.

JUNE FOR CRYING OUT LOUD.
this has nothing to do with this post but it's super pretty so wanted to share it.


So summer is very well loved when it is here.


BUT this crazy 90+ degrees with no shade or breeze and 10,000% humidity isn't working. If I wanted to live in this soup, I'd move back down south.  Much love to my southern friends and family, huge props to you. I can't freakin' handle this shit.  I've lived in the north to long, and my kids have never lived anywhere else.


I'm literally melting. I've lost 4 pounds since yesterday, and ITS TO HOT TO EXERCISE!  JUST SITTING or NOT SLEEPING, I've sweat so much I'm losing weight. This is NOT HOW ITS SUPPOSED TO BE LOL.
Me.


Thankfully, I have a very good friend who said to me " AC isn't any fun if I can't share it! Come over!" So my family is camping out in her living room. My extremely hot and cranky family. Because the heat has turned my normally sweet and loving and kind children into these screaming shrews I sort of want to pretend I don't know.
the screaming shrew
Christmas , when everybody was happy.
Do you SEE THE DIFFERENCE.

That being said, life is always busy.

 We have been struggling for months with the teenagers stomach issues, and are now moving to a gluten free diet to try and see if THAT is the problem, or if something else is causing it. I have NO IDEA where to start. I just want his tummy to stop hurting.  We'll see how it goes. 

The littlest minion has started speech therapy. Hopefully, by the time all is said and done, he'll be able to be understood by everybody and not just me.  That eats up a large majority of my week.







Saturday, July 13, 2013

The day after...( potty words)





Okay guys, yesterday was the Pintester Movement 2.0 post, and let me tell you. I just read some of the funniest shit on the internet.  I tried to leave a comment on everybody's blog, but wasn't able to on a couple of them. Please know I read it, and appreciated your effort, even if I didn't comment as I wanted to.

That being said: Today (well, yesterday, now) was a LONG FUCKING DAY. I work midnights, so my normal routine is to get home about 730 and go to bed by 8 and sleep until about 330, 4oclockish, ( totally wrote cock-ish the first time, sigh)  get up, hang out with my army, feed them, and hang out again until bedtime. The weekends, though, that is a whole 'nother ball game. Sleep is highly overrated and extremely sought after.
I carpooled, so had to pick up my carpool partner, and get groceries, because we were making crepes for breakfast, and because I had forgotten I promised my daughter her bestie could come over today and that added at minimum one extra person for breakfast and I wasn't sure I had enough cereal.
I also had to pick up said bestie and her little brother, my youngest son's bestie. Alas, no pictures of them online as yet, because I forgot to ask their mom permission and you never ever post pictures of OPK ( other peoples kids) without permission from their mom. That's just skeezy. Anyway.

the darer

She's a good girl, smart, funny, and of course gorgeous. But, like all big sisters, a complete bitch to her brothers. She DOUBLE DOG DARED one of her brothers to eat dirt the other day...and rather than lose face and the respect of his big sister, the little fucker ate it. Thank god it wasn't from the sand pit the barn cat I can't find a home for uses as a shitbox. 

the dirt eater

If this computer doesn't stop deleting my shit( I swear its not me!) I'm going to chuck it out the fucking window and the let the skunks play with it. Damnit. I just posted that picture 4 freakin times!


Then I thought well, I'll lay down for a couple hours and get up and take the kids to the lake.  TWENTY EFFING MINUTES LATER we were at the lake. 
I'm missing a few big kids here yet. super pissed.


My parents stopped over. That was actually really cool, becuase its the first time I was able to see them since they went to Montana to visit MY little brother, my sister in law and my niece. They will be here in August and I cannot wait. 

Anyway: I wound up with something like 9 kids here today. So.....guess who didn't get much sleep? That's right, this mama here.  So when the grill didnt get fired up until 830  I was already really tired. 
My minion loves to help grill. I think he just likes the fire.
Followed up by a smores' extravaganza 
itty bitty portable firepit we borrowed from a friend

I didn't make it. I fell asleep on the couch, completely ignoring my 4 children were outside with their father, my teenager's ( who never lets me take a picture but I snuck one in anyway hahaha) best friend, and the two neighbor children. Thankfully, the extra two I had earlier int he day had already gone home. I think I'd have been bald for real. 
MOM WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!
 
All in all, it was a good day,but because I fell asleep on the couch at 9 oclock, I got up at 3, which totally allowed me to finish reading and commenting on the awesomely funny stuff that occurred with the newest  pintester movement.

I can't wait to play with her movements again. ( insert obligatory shit joke here).