Yep. Still shitty.

Here we are again, a few years later....and still a shitty blogger. I just can't seem to get my shit together!

Quick updates for those interested.

I got married. I got promoted. I still have an army of children and to many animals. I have a grandchild. He calls me GiGi, because at 38, I am too young to be called Granny. This is mildly disappointing, ,but my sister is only a couple years younger than I and her oldest child is 5, while my youngest child is 12.  Pretty sure I'm on the upswing here.  I have applied to be a foster parent. I bought a house, with a ton of room and even though I do not have any desire to ever birth another child, I still have a lot of love and home to give.

Oh...and I finally decided to go back to school. In 4 years, barring any catastrophe's, I will have my Bachelors degree in Psychology and Communication. 

My first assignment? An essay on time management.....and yes, this is exactly as funny as it sounds.

Here are the objectives:

Write: With a minimum of 250 words and in complete sentences, respond to the following questions:

·         Explain your results of the “How Good is Your Time Management Quiz.” Were you surprised, why or why not? Of the five areas of time management that were addressed in the quiz, which area do you feel is your biggest strength? Why? In which two areas could you implement strategies to more successfully manage your time?

·         Describe your plan for how you will incorporate school into your daily responsibilities. What things in your life may interfere with the time you need to study? What measures will you take that will allow you to devote the necessary time to your coursework without risking burnout?

·         Online learning lends itself to procrastination, even for the most prepared student. Review the resources for avoiding procrastination. Share three time management tips that will help you avoid procrastination and improve your time management. You can use tips listed from the resources above or share your own successful time management tips for a total of three.

Here is my response:

I was quite surprised to see the time management quiz reflect I am proficient in time management skills. Nowhere in my life shows my absolute lack of time management more than the current condition of my house!  In my professional life, I know what I’m doing, and work to make sure my day runs on schedule. Once I arrive home though, it’s a whole new ball game. For example, I went grocery shopping today after work, forgetting I needed to come home and clean before I brought the groceries home. My daughter and I walked into the house with $200 worth of groceries, and nowhere to put them. One of the cats threw up in the living room, and the idiot dog tipped over a litter box. There are tufts of dog hair floating about, because he’s blowing his winter coat, and I am sitting at the kitchen table typing this paper, so I don’t forget to do it.

One of my greatest strengths, according to the quiz, is goal setting and prioritization. Again, in my professional life, I excel at this. I know what needs to be done, what is most important, and what can wait a little bit to finish. In my personal life, I clearly am failing in this respect. In the scheme of things, getting the groceries purchased, and put away took priority over the cleaning, because my kids still need to eat. That said, I really need to get the mess cleaned and done before bed. 

Unsurprisingly, the quiz indicated I am frequently interrupted, and may struggle a bit with procrastination. Sadly, this is not something I was unaware of. For instance, in the writing of this I have moved the kitten off my keyboard no less than 7 times, answered my youngest daughter’s question about her rabbits, and had my oldest daughter call and ask to submit my information for a foster care background check for an emergency placement.   Again though, school is a priority. The mess isn’t going anywhere and will be there when I am finished with my work for the day, as will the rabbits, and hopefully, the foster child will be here in the next few days. (After I clean my house, of course!)

 As I move forward in this exciting yet terrifying adventure of further education, I will be making some changes in the way my house runs. I will no longer be the only one solely responsible for the general upkeep of our home-my children will have chores they will be required to complete to obtain their allowance. Currently, they area only responsible for their animal care, and personal belongings. This is going to have to change. I want to lie and say I can do it all, but I only have two hands – I can only juggle so many balls in the air. I will have time set aside in my evening to work solely on school work and will have my phone shut off except for emergencies.  At work I have a bullet point list of things that must be done every day, things that are done weekly, and things that are done monthly. There is no reason I cannot implement the same type of routine at home.  Ideally, I will have this list complete and implemented before the end of the general orientation class.  I will continue to work in my kitchen, for a couple of reasons. First, I do not have a desk in my bedroom and I write a lot of notes- sitting on the bed is not conducive to legible handwriting! Second, I want my kids to SEE me working towards a better education for myself, and a better future for them. It’s important for them to see school work is not a chore, it’s a requirement, and as such MUST be completed daily.  With that in mind, I also cannot allow it to take over our lives. I want to succeed at this, and I want to finish what I’ve started. I will continue to keep Friday and Sunday evenings school free zones.  We travel a lot, and when we aren’t traveling, we are spending time together, or with friends. We are an avid gaming family and host weekly Dungeons and Dragons games.  I want to make sure we continue doing so. Finally, I will remind myself no journey comes without cost, but the adventure and journey I am undertaking is worth so much more than the nap.

Pretty sure it falls under the " to fucking much information for any sane person to have" category. 

Welcome to my life.  

Fitbit what? an introspective

SFWG checking in. Finally. Fortunately, we've established I'm a terrible blogger. I have so many things to say but then I get lost in the words and suddenly its 2 years later and I'm an asshole and I'm sorry. Let's get to the point of this, shall we? ( Also, I frequent tumblr, and post a bunch of random shit there, not quite as personal as here, and I reblog things that interest me. I'm there at Orionswatcher.tumblr.com )

Fitbit what? An Introspection

I joined a fitbit challenge at work. My partner loaned me the use of her wobble board. It’s sort of like those round hard plastic discs with the ball in the middle you were supposed to jump around on, only I never actually managed to jump around, only fall on my face.. Or ass. Or elbows. Or knees. I spent a lot of time on the ground because of those things. Man. Anyway, I’ve gone off on a memory tangent and that wasn’t my goal.  The wobble board is supposed to mimic you walking in place.  It does NOT have a round rubber ball in the center, thank all the gods, just another rounded piece of hard plastic, and I’ve managed to not fall off it. I did, however, manage to use it as intended, and my ass and thighs hurt for it. I’m hoping this challenge will push me to make smarter, healthier choices on the things I eat.

 I’m an emotional eater, and I binge with it. I’m upset? Hrm, I think I’m going to eat a pizza or two. Or three.  Oh, what, you are mad at me for something I didn’t do? I think it’s time for some haagen daaz, and not the pint. Congratulations, you won an award! Score! Let’s go get half price apps at Applebees, and I’ll eat 3 of them for the price of a meal, plus dessert. I am fully aware my emotional binge eating hurts myself far more than anyone else, and I am also aware of the reasons for it. 

I was homeless not to long ago, ( 8 years ago, but it feels like yesterday), and I was starving. When I moved here, when I finally called my mom and begged her to come and get me or send me bus fare to get home to her from the homeless shelter I was in with my oldest son 10 hours away from her, I was a very unhealthy for me 124 pounds. I have a very small bone structure, but it isn’t attractive when you can see all the bones in it.  My healthy weight is about 130, 135.  You wouldn’t think those 5-10 pounds would make a difference, but they really, really do at that weight for me. 

As time moved on and I became more stable, I ate what I wanted, when I wanted, without regard for the consequences.

 Because I could.

 Because I had it in my fridge, or cupboards, and damnit I worked my ass off to be able to go buy more.

 I frequented thrift stores and bought clothes, and dishes, and pots and pans, and books, and knick knacks and STUFF, because when you are a homeless, you lose everything.  Everything. 

Especially your pride and any self worth you may have ever had. 

I’m aware my tendency to hoarding is directly related to my bout with homelessness. 

 I am significantly better than I was, and am actually cleaning for a yard sale now, because I’m finally at a point where I recognize I don’t need so much stuff to be safe, to be stable. I know HOW to be healthy, it’s just a matter of doing it.   My ultimate goal is to hit the 135 pound again. Which leaves me 100 pounds lighter than today. Long way to go, but I’ve done it before, and can do it again.  

TL:DR I’m trying to excersize my way to health, mental and physical.

I"m a terrible blogger, I admit it.

I'm a terrible blogger.

 I know this.



I think about writing every day, but somewhere between the brain and the hands and the computer I sort of lose track of time and it's suddenly tomorrow. And then it's the next day, and suddenly it's months later and I'm trying to figure out where the hell the time went and who the fuck decided it's winter and there's feet ( inches) of snow on my car?

Summer was filled with custody/visitation exchanges and speech therapy and working and my sister had a baby  and she's gorgeous and more working and car repairs and then school started. So far, fall has been full of school and speech therapy and unemployment ( not me, thankfully) and working and more bloody car repairs. Shout out to Progressive, they let me add roadside assistance, and then towed  my car 200 miles home AT NO COST TO ME.    I"m now a thousand bucks deeper in the hole, but my car will run another day.

I have 3 reviews to write so expect some more posts ( probably tonight, sorry), so feel free to skip those ones, but on the other hand, I got to play with some really cool stuff so you might want to read them after all.

Anyway, here are some pictures.

we got family pictures done. 

i got my hair did! 

this is true comedy. 

The long week.....

This last week has sort of sucked.

I've decided my mouth is now a money pit. It is worth more than the car I drive. If I could have half the money invested in my mouth, I'd have new tires and my worries about my car insurance would be no more.  I saw the oral surgeon, and he pulled the tooth, and 300 dollars later I have a hole in my sinus cavity that may or may not require a bone graft to repair. I can't blow my nose ( hello? I have allergies from hell. My snot locker runs the fuck away all summer long. ) I can't sneeze. ( again, allergies from hell!) There's a bunch of other stuff I can't do but I sort of drift away after the big ones. No strenuous activity, which disappointed ( devastated? ) my boyfriend, as sex = strenuous. At least it does if you are doing it right.

So I haven't slept much, due to excruciating pain radiating through my jaw, and the sinus drainage from the allergies make snore like a logger and I wake myself up. It's awesome.


I did, however, join a gym with my mom. And I play on tumblr a lot. Some of the shit people post!!! Cracks me right the hell up.


All told, I'm sorry I haven't posted. I just haven' thad the energy to do anything extra beyond getting through the day.


you can find me on tumblr at orionswatcher.tumblr.com . I'm funny there too. That used to be my fitness blog, back when I was all gung ho about getting healthy and fit and skinny! Now I use it mostly to post pictures and play with fandoms. :)

I'm crabby.

Massive storms and old trees do not mix. Last week we had an absolutely AMAZING thunderstorm, that left the top of THIS tree in my backyard.

the tree
 

the top of the tree
 

another view point of the top of the tree
 

 It was a bit of a catastrophe. Only a bit though. No one was hurt, and it didn't land on the house. And you really can't see it in these photos but underneath of the top of the tree is my 14 year olds bike.  It is no longer rideable. ( ride-able? ridable? how the fuck do you spell that?)   The crack was loud enough it woke up the man on the couch who called me at work convinced it was a tornado while herding children into the basement.

It was not a tornado, thank the gods above. It was just a storm with very strong winds. The tree was left in my backyard for several days, and I had resigned myself to stepping over sticks and branches and whatnots until the weekend when we had time to clean it up.

I should have known better.

Now, this week I have not had a lot of sleep. I'm a little crankier than normal. ( read: I'm a raving bitch and you don't have to like it, you just have to suck it the fuck up and stay out of my way. I'm tired, and I'm crabby, and I don't really care. ) I have to have surgery on my mouth again tomorrow, which now means I now have more invested in my mouth than I do in one of my cars. FUCKING RIDICULOUS. FUCK teeth. DAMN. I should have just had them all pulled out and gotten fucking dentures. Then I wouldn't be in excruciating pain no one will prescribe anything for because nobody knows how to use their drugs responsibly and people like me who don't actually get high off pain pills cant fucking have them because of people like that.

I have to have another tooth pulled out or a root canal.  Fuck that shit. I'm getting it pulled the fuck out and calling it done. Getting my wisdom teeth was SUPPOSED TO HELP with the migraines. Instead, they caused so much damage to my molars in front of them,  I can't even describe the pain.  Anyway, I finally got home from the dentist at noon, put dinner in the crock pot, and was in bed by 1 this afternoon. (Remember, I work midnights.)


Suddenly, I'm woken out of a dead sleep by MOTHERFUCKING CHAINSAWS. Not only was the tree on the ground being chopped up and hauled away, but the rest of the tree was being cut down as well. BY MOTHERFUCKING CHAINSAWS. Are you FUCKING KIDDING ME.  No warning it was coming. No courtesy phone call to say " Hey Kim, we are going to come chop down the tree today and ruin your whole afternoon, which is totally the middle of your night, but that's okay because its totally  daytime and the rest of the world is wide the fuck awake you vampire,  you should try and sleep somewhere else besides your super comfy bed, because there will be multiple chain saws under your windows for an hour or two!" Just BOOM your nap is over.


Fuck. FUCK.

I was pissed. I'm still pissed.

I never did get to go back to sleep, either.

Like a thief in the night... ( potty words)

I'm sneaking a bowl of pasta. I'm a terrible mother.  I made cacio e pepe, as taught by Fabio.  You'll notice below I  have a picture of two Fabio's.

not this Fabio.

This Fabio

The Fabio on the left is the model and harlequin romance god. Well, to some. I don't really think he's all that attractive. Definitely not on my I'd do him list. The Fabio on the right is the chef, and while I probably wouldn't put myself out there for him either, he teaches cooking in a way that is simple and easy to understand. And I think he's a lot easier on the eyes than the blond Adonis wanna be on the left.



My 14 year old

how the hell is he 14 already?!

is required to follow a gluten free diet. To show our support, his stepfather and I are doing our best to follow it as well.  It's going to kill me.



Okay, probably not. I'll probably feel a shitton better when it's all said and done, as the current research ( and yeah, I'm aware a lot of it is people trying to blow smoke up my ass) indicates the removal of gluten from your diet will help with migraines ( check), autoimmune disorders ( check) , ADHD, and emotional outbursts/sensitivity.

But, I'm a pasta addict. I neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed it. To function. Every day. I don't actually eat it every day but I do eat it pretty regularly.

Saturday night we had hamburgers for dinner. HUGE meltdown when he realized he couldn't have a bun. He was literally going to refuse to eat! The kid is skin and bones to begin with due to his metabolism and the months we've spent trying to figure out what was causing his stomach issues. I was PISSED!!!!  Like dude, really! I get that it's shitty you don't get to eat what you want, but you still have to eat the very expensive and really fucking good hamburger we made you. Minus the bun.  Would have put in a lettuce wrap but I forgot to buy lettuce. ( worst mother in the world remember?)  He wound up eating anyway, but initially only because his mother is some kind of bitch. Not because his bitchy mother's food was good. And it was damned good.

I was mad.

And since I didn't eat a bun in a show of parental solidarity, I got up at 5 am on Sunday morning and made some damned spaghetti.

And then I hid that shit. 

Man. 

I'm melting!!!!! Really. It's only sortof a joke.

It's been to hot to think. To hot to sleep. To hot for sex. To hot to cook. And I  hate to complain, because where I live we literally have snow into June.

JUNE FOR CRYING OUT LOUD.

this has nothing to do with this post but it's super pretty so wanted to share it.

So summer is very well loved when it is here.


BUT this crazy 90+ degrees with no shade or breeze and 10,000% humidity isn't working. If I wanted to live in this soup, I'd move back down south.  Much love to my southern friends and family, huge props to you. I can't freakin' handle this shit.  I've lived in the north to long, and my kids have never lived anywhere else.


I'm literally melting. I've lost 4 pounds since yesterday, and ITS TO HOT TO EXERCISE!  JUST SITTING or NOT SLEEPING, I've sweat so much I'm losing weight. This is NOT HOW ITS SUPPOSED TO BE LOL.

Me.

Thankfully, I have a very good friend who said to me " AC isn't any fun if I can't share it! Come over!" So my family is camping out in her living room. My extremely hot and cranky family. Because the heat has turned my normally sweet and loving and kind children into these screaming shrews I sort of want to pretend I don't know.

the screaming shrew

Christmas , when everybody was happy.

Do you SEE THE DIFFERENCE.

That being said, life is always busy.

 We have been struggling for months with the teenagers stomach issues, and are now moving to a gluten free diet to try and see if THAT is the problem, or if something else is causing it. I have NO IDEA where to start. I just want his tummy to stop hurting.  We'll see how it goes. 

The littlest minion has started speech therapy. Hopefully, by the time all is said and done, he'll be able to be understood by everybody and not just me.  That eats up a large majority of my week.